REGRET, GUILT, SHAME: THE DEBILITATING TRIO

Regret, guilt, and shame are difficult feelings to contend with and at times completely debilitating. All three rooted in the past and grow into the present as weeds in a garden. These weeds emerge with distorted memories tainting our current perception. The memories commonly contain themes of being a victim or an offender, making “catastrophic” mistakes, doing something wrong, hurting someone’s feelings, causing someone pain, not doing enough, not being good enough, and more. The vines of these themes, often grow distorted, self-limiting, and self-defeating thoughts/beliefs creating the feelings of regret, guilt, and shame.

The past serves a powerful purpose (if used with compassion). The past helps us to learn lessons so we may reduce the frequency of distorted thoughts/beliefs and maladaptive behaviors or better yet release and transmute them. Obviously there is truth to the memories we hold. We may have indeed caused harm to ourselves and others or someone has caused harm to us, but we tend to over-exaggerate past mistakes, weaknesses, and “failures”. Remember at the time of the memory you most likely behaved from a space of limited awareness or a clouded, confused perspective. You participated or reacted from what you knew at the time.

We also tend to discount positive aspects of our memories and hyper-focus on the negative. Even in the most traumatic events there is some positive such as the lessons learned from the event. These events offer opportunities to grow spiritually, mentally, and emotionally, to learn responsibility for our energetic presence, to learn appropriate and healthy boundaries, to learn what we don’t deserve hence to learn our worth, and/or to learn how to unconditionally love ourselves.

When we hyper-focus on the negative, the past becomes binding like we’re dragging our own personal shackle and chains. The burden becomes so great we disregard or bypass the lesson and punish ourselves endlessly with the “debilitating trio”: regret, guilt, and shame. This excessive self-deprecating reaction to our memories keeps us bound to the past and distorts the present.

How do we liberate ourselves from this bondage?

When you feel the harsh jerk of the shackles and chains from the past due to a trigger in the present, just know it is an opportunity for healing. The skill to free yourself from this oppression involves transmuting the memory. You change the memory to how you would want it to unfold knowing the lesson you learned from the past and the wisdom you have in the present.

If the idea of changing a memory brings resistance, then it’s all the better reason to try this intervention. The resistance is just the shackles and chains wanting to keep you captive in a cycle of suffering.

The resistance may also be due to the memory involving someone or a situation that caused you harm. It may feel as though changing or transmuting the memory takes away justice for the other’s wrong doing, especially if amends haven’t been made or consequences haven’t been received. On the flip side, it is much greater injustice in my opinion for you to be carrying the burden of these restricting and oppressive feelings causing you to be punished endlessly. Why are you being punished for another’s wrong doing? You are for the most part not in charge or responsible for another person’s behavior unless they are a child or have an impairment. You ARE in charge of your own well-being, which does include regaining your empowerment. The practice of this skill is not denying that a wrong doing was done. By transmuting the memory or even just flooding the memory especially yourself with white and golden light, you are dissolving their power over you and releasing the negative energetic cord/attachment you have with the person or situation who harmed you. This frees you from being held captive to the memory allowing you to implement healthy boundaries and/or pursue appropriate consequences from a space of clarity. This is forgiveness and empowerment.

If changing the memory releases your captivity to the past, then why not be free so you can be the person you desire in the present moment? By releasing and transforming these chains you can offer an authentic amends for any harm you may have caused or be released from the disempowered energetic trap of being a victim. Memories are meant to teach us, not to imprison us. Let the memory do its job of teaching, so it may be transmuted into light and so you can get back to the present without the burden of the past.

The skill involves visualization and meditation. The skill will be most effective after you reduce any anxiety or distress as a result of a memory being triggered in the present. Effective means to reduce distress are grounding, objective thinking, empowered self-talk, diaphragmatic breathing, mindfulness, or whatever technique resonates with you. Centering into a grounded, calm, and clearer space increases openness and decreases any resistance to healing.

Begin the meditation by imagining yourself encased in a white column of light extending from the Divine, God, Source, Spirit (whatever resonates with you) all the way down to Mother Earth, Gaia. This column of light offers protection and support during your healing. Recall the memory as if you are seeing it on a movie screen. Flood the memory with white and golden light so the light fills the entire room or space. Imagine rays of white and golden light extending from your heart to the memory. The light and heart connection transmutes any negative, denser energies attached to the original memory such as the “debilitating trio” feelings, anger, resentment, sadness, fear, etc. Replay the memory as the person you are now who learned the lessons from the past, the wiser person, and the person who desires to respond to the memory’s events from a higher, compassionate, and loving perspective.

Once the memory is complete, offer the energy of gratitude for the opportunity to heal the memory, which subsequently heals the present moment because energy doesn’t know the concept of time. Close the memory with another burst of white light and see it dissipate into the expansive space around you. Imagine the column of light from the beginning of the meditation seals off to form a white sphere of light surrounding you. This sphere of white light is a shield protecting and repelling any negative, denser energies desiring to shackle you and to hold you back from your highest potential. The shield compassionately reflects back to the source the denser energies for them to heal. The shield is fluid and allows you to receive and to give unconditional love.

Experiment with the meditation. You may adjust or refine the imagery with whatever resonates with you, but maintain the intention of transmuting the memory with love and compassion. You may also utilize this skill in written form. You may literally rewrite the memory using similar aspects of the meditation. It will be more effective to handwrite than to type.

MY EXPERIENCE USING THE COPING SKILL

My beloved dog of 13.5 years passed in February. Guinness was a chocolate labrador full of anxiety, but a most beautiful soul that was completely devoted to us and yearned to always take care of us. Initially, when we first adopted her which was a few years after the death of my husband, I disliked her. She was needy and constantly intruding into my space. It took me a bit of time and patience to begin to like her and to understand her purpose in our lives. She taught me so many valuable lessons, mainly unconditional love even for the anger I suppressed following the death of my husband.

Five months after Guinness’s passing, we were ready to bring a new dog into our home. We adopted a handsome, young male labrador mix from the human society. My daughter named him, Apollo, because he’s a golden color and has the energy of the sun, as well as, a healer. The picture included in this blog is Apollo.

As I began to care for him, such as buying his food and accessories, feelings of regret and guilt were seeping from my subconscious into my conscious awareness. My mind was being plagued with negative thoughts such as: I didn’t buy Guinness the top brand dog food at a specialty pet store like I’m doing for Apollo; I didn’t give Guinness filtered tap water; and I wasn’t as tolerate with Guinness’ puppy-ish behaviors, her shedding, and her misbehavior, like I am with Apollo.

I could feel the pull of regret and guilt wanting to anchor me into a cycle of suffering, but I resisted. I began reminding myself with an objective perspective, I did my best caring for Guinness at the time. I also reminded myself of all the abundant loving moments I shared with Guinness, rather than the temptation to become hyper-focused on negative times. I realized she also made me a better pet owner and with this realization I offered her so much gratitude and unconditional love.

After I implemented objective thinking to the recalled memories, it opened a space for me to accept and not to resist healing. I settled into the healing meditation and imagined a column of white light surrounding me. I flooded all memories of Guinness and I with white and golden light. I opened my heart, extending rays of light and unconditional love to her spirit. Any feelings of irritation, anger, or annoyance were dissolved and transmuted into light. I replayed all the memories of caring for Guinness knowing what I know now. I provided her with the best food, filtered water, and tolerated her jumpiness in her youth, her shedding, and all the other irritations/annoyances. I was consumed with extreme happiness, content, and love knowing I could bring this energy into the present for myself and Apollo.

I closed the memory and released it with a burst of white light and unconditional love, while sealing myself in a sphere of white light. I had a concrete sense the past was healed, as well as, the present. I also had a solid confirmation that Guinness’s spirit ALWAYS knew and loved the true essence of my spirit and payed no mind to my human mistakes and blunders. With this new knowledge, I was filled with absolute gratitude once again for my beautiful earth angel.

In addition, this skill has also been quite effective in resolving and transmuting memories of childhood trauma. I no longer recall the memories with guilt and shame.

 Thank you Spirit for providing an opportunity for healing.

Please support my work through Patreon:

https://www.patreon.com/divinehealingmastery

The purpose of this blog is to share with you how I integrate my professional mental health experience, personal experience, and spiritual awareness in the form of coping skills. By sharing my experience, it is my hope it will provide a practical example how to interrupt and eventually resolve the cyclic energy of suffering and to elevate your energy!

Visit my website: http://divinehealingmastery.com or my Facebook page: Divine Healing: Poetry and Coping Skills (https://www.facebook.com/DivineHealing.Poetry.Coping) to learn more about me and to read my poetry.

 PLEASE BE ADVISED

The coping skills provided on this blog are meant as a tool to aid in healing and not for psychotherapy or social work practice requiring a contractual, professional relationship. If you need consistent therapeutic care and/or crisis intervention due to being at risk of harming yourself or others, then seek professional and/or emergency services immediately.

These skills work best when you are ready to heal. It is OK if you are not quite ready. Please be gentle and patient with yourself. You will heal when you are ready. Sending you so much love, warmth, and compassion.

Kindly,

Stacy

© Stacy L. Pintor 2017. All Rights Reserved. (No part of this blog may be reproduced without written permission from the author.)

2 EFFECTIVE STEPS TO DISPEL ANGER

Although anger generally has a bad reputation, it is an effective and valuable signal of an imbalance in our well-being or environment. When anger is balanced it can be transformed into peaceful empowerment, action, or even no action. It can motivate us to get out of a threatening situation. When viewed from these perspectives, there may be less tendency to attach or hook into the anger energy that leads to the bad reputation.

Anger has a bad reputation because when consumed by the energy we often desire to hastily rid of it in any way possible, which can negatively impact not only ourselves, but others and situations in the process. There are numerous ways we irresponsibly dispel the energy which may include: 1) projecting it outward in the form of verbal and/or physical outbursts or blaming others or 2) using passive aggressive behaviors such as withdrawing (silent treatment), making underhanded comments (“under your breath” comments), or gossiping. All of which carries an excessively dense energy that travels with you like a thick, smoldering dark fog. The dense fog may then create anxiety and depressive symptoms and/or negatively affect relationships (personal, professional, etc).

Anger needs our attention and understanding, but not thoughts and behaviors that perpetuate the denser energy cycle. Anger typically arises from feeling threatened in some way either emotionally, physically, or environmentally. For anger to be effectively dispelled from our energetic field it requires compassion and understanding for its presence. A simple, but loving curiosity for the reason it’s alarming of a potential internal or external imbalance so we may heal and resolve it. The following two steps are effective ways to dispel anger when it becomes a cyclic dense energy.

STEP 1: GENTLY ask yourself “why am I feeling so angry”. The more compassion and understanding you offer yourself, the clearer your mind. It also helps to ground the energy so clarity may arise. This gentle curiosity can be obtained by detaching from the feeling of anger as if you are an observer of your experience, you are merely curious about the presence of anger, and you are perceiving it from an unbiased, nonjudgmental view.

If you begin to harshly judge yourself or begin to justify your anger prior to this question, then it will fuel the anger cycle granting it extra power over you. If you find the anger is a bit too consuming to fairly ask yourself this question, then it would be beneficial to further ground the energy by implementing your preferred grounding practice such as deep belly or diaphragmatic breathing, tuning into your senses, meditation (breath, loving-kindness, intention, visualization/imagery, etc.), or prayer.

As you practice a genuine interest in your interior world, you may observe the unfolding of a trail of thoughts prior to discovering a root thought. The root thought may surprise you because you may find the thought is actually a core belief rooted from the past possibly from childhood or adolescence. For example, the process may unfold as follows:

  • “I can’t believe they just cut me off!” (notice personalizing the situation as if they intentionally cut you off to specifically upset you).
  • Grounding your energy and gently asking yourself, “why am I feeling so angry”.
  • The answer may include: “they’re so disrespectful”; “they could of caused an accident”.
  • Further exploring the thought, “they’re so disrespectful”, by being curious if there is an “I” statement attached to the thought. An “I” statement corresponding to this example may include: “I feel disrespected”.
  • Compassionately asking yourself, “what does it mean to be disrespected or what does it say about me when I’m disrespected”.
  • The answer may include: “I’m not worth it”; “I’m hidden”; “I’m invisible”; or “I don’t matter”. These type of thoughts are deeper, core beliefs.

Notice in the above example, the trail of thoughts can quickly identify a deeper, core issue. As the above example demonstrated, it is helpful in order to identify these type of core beliefs to ask questions such as “what does it say about me when…” or “what does it mean to be…”, so you begin to identify “I” statements rather than projection statements (i.e. “he”, “she”, “they” statements). The “I” statements are driving your reaction or response to the situation. “I” statements are a powerful way of regaining ownership and responsibility thus your power of a situation and circumstance that feels out of your control.

Once these thoughts are identified, ask yourself with compassion, “where in my life have I felt this before”. You may find a core area of your life in need of attention and healing and the current event was only a trigger for you to explore and heal an unresolved wound.

Often the mere act of being compassionate and understanding of yourself and identifying or illuminating core beliefs offers enough light and higher vibrational energy to transmute and resolve the denser energy. However, if you still feel attached to the anger energy, then you may need to further explore for deeper processing. Please read my previous blog, The Art of Disentangling Your Mind, for an effective tool to challenge the validity of limiting core thoughts/beliefs and to identify more benevolent thoughts/beliefs.

STEP 2: After offering yourself compassion and understanding for the reason of anger, then replay the events from a different perspective. This perspective is grounded in peace, love, and clarity. This step requires you to first imagine yourself embraced and filled with love, peace, and clarity. You may need to incorporate a form of meditation, visualization, diaphragmatic breathing, grounding, and/or prayer to elevate your energy to this level. It is most effective when practicing this skill to really FEEL the new energy vibrating within you while imagining the re-experience of all events as if it is occurring in real time.

You may notice several changes when practicing this skill that will be unique to you. I will offer a few changes that may arise from your heart. From this higher vibrational energy you may find the following: still setting appropriate boundaries without projecting harsh, denser energy; offering the other person/people or circumstance compassion and an intention or prayer for their safety and peace; or just letting go of the situation with an intention of peace. Energy doesn’t know time or space so you can replay an event with new energy and have a profound impact on your state of well-being and possibly the other person/people or circumstances involved in the event.

MY EXPERIENCE USING THE COPING SKILL

The morning began with a little irritation because my daughter was running late for school after requesting the night before she wanted to get there early to finish homework. We left the house to where she would get to school 10 minutes early as opposed to 25 minutes early.

As we were driving to school, still in our neighborhood, a car was tailgating me. I remained persistent in maintaining the speed limit. The tailgating car turned on a parallel alley driving at a high speed in close proximity to homes in order pass me, but failed because they had to stop for me at a stop sign. I asked my daughter to get their license plate number so I could report them for reckless driving. I proceeded to give the driver a foul, angry look and I noticed they were teenagers. I thought “figures…teenagers…”.

As we entered the school drop-off carline, a security person directing traffic was trying to keep the carline moving and motioned me to continue driving towards the main entrance even though I was approaching a side door that was closer to my daughter’s classroom. I decided to disobey his direction and pulled over so she may enter the nearest door. The security person was clearly frustrated with me and we exchanged mutually irritated looks.

After those three events which began to derail my day, I immediately felt terrible and heavy as I was flooded with pulsating dense anger energy. I noticed I wanted to harshly judge myself for being angry and for my reactions following the anger. However, I interrupted the judgment with compassion and reminded myself the presence of anger was only a signal of an imbalance.

During my morning run, I processed the previous events. For me one of the best times to “get out of my head” and for processing spiraling thoughts and emotions is while I run, specifically running outdoors. It is instantly grounding and helps to clear my mind enough to where I can view my experience with objectivity and altitude. I asked myself, “why did those events make me so angry”. I explored the question with gentle curiosity and not harsh interrogation.

I realized in all instances I felt “pushed around”. I further explored and asked myself, “where else in my life do I feel pushed around”. Upon this question, I identified a core limiting belief and felt immediate relief for illuminating this shadow aspect within me. I decided to replay all the events from a different perspective. Still running (moving meditation for me), I imagined how I would respond to each event from a space of peace and clarity.

I imagined while FEELING this peaceful perspective, I let go of control of my daughter running late knowing she was already feeling the consequences and hoped with a silent prayer/intention that she would have enough time to complete her work. I imagined I still maintained my speed while obeying the speed limit and possibly would still want to report the reckless driving, but without exchanging a foul, angry look. I also prayed they learn a lesson of reckless driving in the future, but without harm to anyone. I imagined I still “disobeyed” the security person during the carline because I wanted to get my daughter to the nearest door, but rather than becoming defensive for my actions I committed to my actions with a new perspective. I knew I was disobeying (without harm to another) his direction, but respected his efforts for keeping the carline moving efficiently. Rather than exchanging an irritated look, I offered a smile and a “thank you” wave.

Upon completion of this imagery and meditation, I felt the anger energy dissipate and lift from my energetic body. I trusted this new vibrational frequency traveled to all who were affected by my previous denser energy and were lifted in some way as well.

Thank you Spirit for providing an opportunity for healing.

If so inclined, please support my work through Patreon:

https://www.patreon.com/divinehealingmastery

The purpose of this blog is to share with you how I integrate my professional mental health experience, personal experience, and spiritual awareness in the form of coping skills. By sharing my experience, it is my hope it will provide a practical example how to interrupt and eventually resolve the cyclic energy of suffering and to elevate your energy! Please visit my Facebook page: Divine Healing: Poetry and Coping Skills (https://www.facebook.com/DivineHealing.Poetry.Coping) or my website: http://divinehealingmastery.com to learn more about me and to read my poetry.

 PLEASE BE ADVISED

The coping skills provided in this blog are meant as a tool to aid in healing and not for psychotherapy or social work practice requiring a contractual, professional relationship. If you need consistent therapeutic care and/or crisis intervention due to being at risk of harming yourself or others, then seek professional and/or emergency services immediately.

These skills work best when you are ready to heal. It is OK if you are not quite ready. Please be gentle and patient with yourself. You will heal when you are ready. Sending you so much love, warmth, and compassion.

Kindly,

Stacy

© Stacy L. Pintor 2017. All Rights Reserved. (No part of this blog may be reproduced without written permission from the author.)

THE POWER OF POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS

Positive affirmations are a way to raise your energetic vibrational frequency and to declare to the Universe, to God you are ready for abundance and all you deserve. Typically, positive affirmations are statements to help you overcome self-defeating, self-limiting, and distorted thoughts/beliefs. Visit my previous blog post,  The Art of Disentangling Your Mind, to learn more about the negative effects of such thoughts and how to transform them into positive affirmations.

It is important for the affirmation to be in the present tense as if it is already happening. It is also more effective if the statement is specific, but wide enough for the Universe and for God to help manifest your wishes.

Repeating the affirmations without actually opening your heart has little to no effect. Opening your heart means truly feeling the positive, loving energy vibrate through your entire being in the form of sensations, visual imagery, empowerment, and/or unconditional love.

The idea is to FEEL the affirmation cascading down from your mind to your heart as you feel your heart and chest expand all the way down to your feet and beyond. A helpful imagery to generate this feeling is to imagine a bright golden, white light shining above your head and down through the crown of your head to your feet carrying the affirmation through your mind, heart, body, and spirit. Explore other ways to open your heart such as deep/diaphragmatic breathing into your heart center, other types of positive imagery, gratitude, prayer, or meditation. Again, the idea is not only to think the affirmation, but to FEEL the affirmation in your entire being by opening your heart.

It is also effective to add a statement to the end of the affirmation such as: “so may it be done” or “so it is” and then release it to the Universe, to God. If you worry or ruminate about the outcome of the affirmation, then you will hinder the manifestation of the affirmation.

The end statement can be anything of your choosing just as long as it provides a sense of empowerment and self-love. The statement provides an extra exclamation point at the end of the affirmation. I found it also reminds my ego to stand down so my heart may fully expand declaring unconditional love for self which resonates unconditional love for others, like a ripple effect.

MY EXPERIENCE USING THE COPING SKILL

I’ve been working on the following affirmations: “I am worthy of abundance in every form because I am love” and “My dreams and desires will come true with balance, harmony, ease, and protection”. I noticed as I repeated these affirmations there was a part of me blocking the energy from expanding. Most likely as you may have learned through my previous blog posts, the block is due to a core belief of unworthiness. I decided to add the statement “so may it be done”.

With the aid of the golden, white light imagery, I felt the affirmation cascading through my entire being. By adding the end statement, I immediately felt a sense of empowerment and self-respect dispelling the victim role.

By taking my power back, I provided myself unconditional love and demonstrated to the Universe and to God I’m truly ready for all I deserve and more. These affirmations will in turn provide unconditional love not only for me, but for others as well. Remembering as done to me, to include what I do to myself, is done to others. Choosing to spread love and abundance rather than negativity and lack.

Thank you Spirit for providing an opportunity for healing.

If so inclined, please support my work through Patreon:

https://www.patreon.com/divinehealingmastery

The purpose of this blog is to share with you how I integrate my professional mental health experience, personal experience, and spiritual awareness in the form of coping skills. By sharing my experience, it is my hope it will provide a practical example how to interrupt and eventually resolve the cyclic energy of suffering and to elevate your energy! Please visit my Facebook page: Divine Healing: Poetry and Coping Skills (https://www.facebook.com/DivineHealing.Poetry.Coping) or my website: http://divinehealingmastery.com to learn more about me and to read my poetry.

 PLEASE BE ADVISED

The coping skills provided in this blog are meant as a tool to aid in healing and not for psychotherapy or social work practice requiring a contractual, professional relationship. If you need consistent therapeutic care and/or crisis intervention due to being at risk of harming yourself or others, then seek professional and/or emergency services immediately.

These skills work best when you are ready to heal. It is OK if you are not quite ready. Please be gentle and patient with yourself. You will heal when you are ready. Sending you so much love, warmth, and compassion.

Kindly,

Stacy

© Stacy L. Pintor 2017.  All Rights Reserved.

(No part of this blog may be reproduced without written permission from the author.)

 

THE ENERGY OF THE THOUGHT LOOP – YOU ARE THE CREATOR

Our state of mind determines are well-being. Our thoughts, health of our brain, and our connection to our heart, the Divine within, determines our state of mind. The state of our mind emits energy (brainwaves) when neurons in the brain fire they release electrochemical waves or electrical impulses (Hanson & Mendius, 2009, p. 30). Our heart, minds, and spirit collectively radiate a unique energetic field. This field influences our external worlds and cycles back to us. All organisms exchange energy and matter with their environment in order to live; therefore, “the apparent wall between your body and the world is more like a picket fence” (Hanson & Mendius, 2009, p.27).

We are often unaware of our energetic influence upon external outcomes and how our energy affects other people, situations, or circumstances. We have exceptionally more power than we are willing to give ourselves credit or take responsibility. We have the ability to create suffering or peace by the type of thoughts and the amount of focus we lend to the thoughts. If we focus long enough we create thought loops with its own energetic power. The thought loops consist of patterns of thought, feelings, and behaviors associated with the thoughts, and energy that influences both the internal and the external. Basically our external worlds are a reflection of our internal well-being. “In fact, much of what you see ‘out there’ is actually manufactured ‘in here’ by your brain…” (Hanson & Mendius, 2009, p.43).

It is important to first understand the vehicle at which the mind is driving, the brain. Although the brain is a highly evolved tool, it is still imprinted with our early ancestral primitive markers. The brain is hard wired “more for avoiding than for approaching. That’s because it’s the negative experiences, not the positive ones, that have generally had the most impact on survival.” (Hanson & Mendius, 2009, p.40). Our ancestors were constantly in the practice of seeking safety. They focused significantly on negative experiences out of necessity, which strengthened these neural pathways over time.

In current times, if we experience any negative experience or a traumatic event, then it is likely these dormant primitive imprints become activated. Of course, if a real threat to our life or physical well-being exists, then our brain does its brilliant work of seeking safety by activating our sympathetic nervous system of fight, flight, or freeze. It is then up to us, to help the body recover and heal by redirecting our focus once the threat has passed.

If we haven’t learned to discipline or tame our minds we may get stuck in the perpetual cycle of feeling threatened creating negative thought loops which may lead to suffering. Although, pain, negative emotions and thinking, and unpleasant body sensations do offer a strong signal that your whole being (mind, body, heart, and spirit) is out of balance, it is problematic when these become chronic.

If this imbalance occurs, then the state of well-being may be too inhibited (numb) or overly aroused (overwhelmed) (Hanson & Mendius, 2009, p.32). Even in the absence of a real threat to life or physical well-being, this cycle can be triggered and manifested in numerous forms when we feel rejected, disrespected, and/or abandoned generating self-limiting, pessimistic, and distorted thoughts with associated feelings of fear, anxiety, anger, irritability, sorrow, depression, guilt, and/or shame. The nature of the brain and mind when undisciplined or untamed “highlights past losses and failures, it downplays present abilities, and it exaggerates future obstacles” (Hanson & Mendius, 2009, p.42) rooted in primitive imprints and human conditioning. All in the name of survival and protection based upon memories rather than real threats.

It all sifts down to what we focus on which strengthens certain neural pathways and networks creating patterns and habits while weakening others. The untamed mind tends to hold on to suffering longer than it’s needed. For example, in relationships it can take five positive events to overcome the effects of a single negative event (Hanson & Mendius, 2009, p.41). It certainly takes practice and patience to refocus and retrain our brain in order to strengthen more positive neural networks. The condition of our mind and heart helps the brain maintain balance amongst all systems.

Our focus attracts and resonates at similar levels of our external environment. Various thoughts with associated feelings such as joy, love, peace, frustration, anger, or sadness resonate or vibrate on different energetic frequencies. If the thought loop becomes a pattern due to our consistent focus, then we resonate with other people and circumstances that have similar thought loops and energy. The issue lies then the quality of the thought loop. Keeping in mind negative thought loops are generated from fear and a sense of lack rather than from love and abundance.

At our state of evolution, it is time to heal our minds even from residual ancestral trauma. It is a matter of taking our power back by mastering negative experiences with objective discernment and prohibiting our brain from defaulting to a negative thought loop. We have the power and the ability to interrupt negative patterns and strengthen more benevolent neural pathways and networks. We have the power to retrain our brain thus transforming and liberating our mind. This will clear the way to reconnect with our heart, inner knowing, the Divine within.

It can be as simple as bringing the light of awareness to our thinking which lessens the negative thought loop’s intensity and will possibly be enough to resolve the loop. This awareness gives us a choice to continue OR to interrupt and stop the loop with Truth. It takes gentle curiosity and investigating into our thinking to uncover the thoughts and feelings fueling the negative thought loop.

If the light of awareness does not fully resolve the negative thought loop, then incorporating a variety of healing modalities may be beneficial to regain balance. Healing modalities may include: repeating positive intentions and affirmations and/or self-empowering thoughts; surrendering burdens to a higher source, God, or whatever resonates with your spiritual beliefs; loving behaviors such as smiling, laughing, embracing; deep diaphragmatic breathing; meditation to include violet flame mediation, energetic cord cutting, or inner child healing meditations; forgiveness; and/or prayer. All of which activates the parasympathetic nervous system signaling our body it’s safe to rest, reconnect with our heart and our inner knowing, and for the mind to be clear of that which does not serve our highest potential. Please see my previous blog posts for more information regarding the majority of these healing modalities or you may consult the internet for any of the specific meditations mentioned.

These energetic concepts may be further clarified through example. If you are feeling jealous or envious of someone or circumstance, then become aware of the type of thoughts swirling in your mind. The nature of the thoughts may include, but not limited to: “I don’t want her to succeed”; “I’m not as lucky as her”; “I always have to work hard and she doesn’t”; or “I never get what I want”, etc. You may not realize the actual power of your thoughts and their energetic influence upon the other person’s and your own outcome. Your influence may place self-doubt and fear in the other person’s mind and emotional body causing delays or even negative outcomes. This will affect you because you just indebted yourself to heal a negative situation you contributed in causing. You will most likely encounter a similar situation with an opportunity for healing, but roles may be reversed where someone is emitting their envious and jealous energy onto to you.

In this example, it is crucial to become aware of your thoughts with compassion. Challenge the truth of the thoughts and identify a more benevolent, realistic thought. Please see my previous blog post, “The Art of Disentangling Your Mind”, for a more detailed explanation of this healing tool. Utilize energetic cord cutting, inner child meditation (if thoughts are rooted from upbringing or ancestral heritage), and/or violet flame mediation to further clear your energy.

Likewise, if you know someone who is envious or jealous of you, then it is helpful to utilize energetic cord cutting and to forgive yourself for past times you’ve been envious or jealous. Finally, cleansing with a violet flame meditation and imaging a field of golden, white light protecting you should dissipate and resolve the negative energy from your energetic field.

It’s about coming to peace within ourselves so that we do not unconsciously or subconsciously create negative thought loops that affect and influence others, thus ourselves. Learning to take responsibility for our creation, but most importantly realizing our power as co-creators.

MY EXPERIENCE USING THE SKILL

EXAMPLE 1

I am releasing an old paradigm that I have to work for an employer, work long hours, and have a substantial income to be considered successful. Ever since I resigned from my previous job to pursue creative endeavors, I’ve been struggling with this old belief. It’s been a constant buzz in my energetic field that I should be “working” rather than being home compiling my collection of poems, publishing my poems, writing these blogs, and developing a workshop. All of which is being accomplished on MY time rather than an employer’s time.

I thought I had released this judgment of myself, but realized I’m still carrying that my current creative endeavors are not an acceptable form of “success” because I’m not earning a substantial income as of yet. It showed up with a recent conversation with someone.

This person made a comment towards another person who he felt didn’t work often and said, “well I go to work all day”. As if the person he was referring to did not work enough. After our conversation, his comments stayed with me into the next day. I began to feel anger towards him for judging someone so harshly who in his perspective is not “working all day”. So I thought, why is this bothering me when it seemed it wasn’t about me?

After compassionate investigation into my thinking, I realized I was still carrying the belief I should be “working all day” to be considered successful or productive. The conversation and my limiting belief triggered my primitive imprints and human conditioning of the possibility of not being accepted by this person or society at large. The energy of this thought loop and judgment of myself actually manifested someone with the same belief who was judging someone else harshly. I CREATED that loop, and pulled someone into my energetic field who reflected it back to me.

It was so liberating once I brought the light of awareness to the negative thought loop. This awareness provided a choice to either keep it OR to go within to heal and to change the thought loop to a more benevolent energy supporting myself and my environment. The negative thought loop was actually hindering my success by anchoring my energy in a sense of lack rather than love and abundance.

Upon clearing the negative energy with awareness, I remembered the reason I stepped away from my last job. It is to pursue my life purpose of serving others by expressing my authentic and creative self, sharing my life experience, and helping others awaken to their own Truth, all the while trusting my own needs will be taken care of with abundance in every form.

EXAMPLE 2

I belong to a neighborhood notification website and there was a message stating someone had seen a black cat and suggested the owner should come to get the cat. After viewing several of the replies, someone suggested if the cat is friendly to pick it up. Well, I have a black cat who I adore and he is an indoor/outdoor cat, so I decided to reply for fear someone would take my cat if the cat they saw was indeed him.

After I replied stating the cat could possibly be mine with other details, I began to worry. I started to worry they would judge me for allowing my cat to go outside. In response to the worry, I began to rehearse in my mind what my reply would be to a potential conflict of others opposing my decision for allowing my cat to go outside with all the risks.

I thought, “Wow!”, I’m generating all of these thoughts assuming conflict would be coming my way. But why? This simple exchange of words was triggering my primitive mind and human conditioning of potential conflict and a possibility of not being accepted by my neighbors. Furthermore, I pondered why I am trying to create something I don’t desire? I knew if I continued to focus on these thoughts, then I may create the very situation I was worrying about due to the focused energy I was releasing.

So I paused and thought. This is actually a healing and growth opportunity. I was trying to create something in the external to heal something in the internal. I was worrying of a stranger’s judgement and perception of me, but obviously there is a part of me that I judged harshly and perceive myself as possibly not a good cat owner for allowing him to go outside. I needed to come to terms and accept my decision for letting him be an indoor/outdoor cat.

After contemplation why it is the best decision for my cat to continue to go outside, I surrendered the decision to Spirit and expected the best outcome to be of peace and ease. My mind did try to pull me back into the previous negative thought loop. With compassion for the workings of my mind, I knew my ego was only trying to protect me with a desire to be accepted and to be prepared for a potential conflict, but it didn’t realize the situation didn’t need to be created in the first place.

I gently redirected my mind along with several deep breaths to my Truth and to the peace within. It is about fully accepting myself rather than seeking it from the external. I affirmed I do not wish to create what I’m worrying about. The negative thought loop was interrupted in time to cause no further derailment of my day or to create an unwanted external response. I did receive replies back simply thanking me for my response and other neighbors saying they enjoy his visits.

As in the previous example, bringing the light of awareness was enough to lessen the power of the thought loop and resolve it. I healed my own internal judgment and false perception within myself. From this place of peace and ease, even if I did receive an opposing reply, then I would be able to respond gracefully rather than react with defensiveness and anger.

However, if the energy of the negative thought loop persisted, then it would be my cue to go deeper and to further heal and clear the energy. My next healing modality would have been an inner child meditation. Most likely my residual concern of other’s perception of me and a desire to be accepted was rooted during childhood/upbringing and even during my ancestral heritage.

As silly as this example may sound, it is these small instances that have the potential to create havoc in our worlds.

Reference:

Hanson, R., & Mendius, R. (2009). Buddha’s Brain: The Practical Neuroscience of Happiness, Love, & Wisdom. Oakland: New Harbinger Publications, Inc.

Thank you Spirit for providing an opportunity for healing.

If so inclined, please support my work through Patreon:

https://www.patreon.com/divinehealingmastery

The purpose of this blog is to share with you how I integrate my professional mental health experience, personal experience, and spiritual awareness in the form of coping skills. By sharing my experience, it is my hope it will provide a practical example how to interrupt and eventually resolve the cyclic energy of suffering and to elevate your energy! Please visit my Facebook page: Divine Healing: Poetry and Coping Skills (https://www.facebook.com/DivineHealing.Poetry.Coping) or my website: http://divinehealingmastery.com to learn more about me and to read my poetry.

 PLEASE BE ADVISED

The coping skills provided in this blog are meant as a tool to aid in healing and not for psychotherapy or social work practice requiring a contractual, professional relationship. If you need consistent therapeutic care and/or crisis intervention due to being at risk of harming yourself or others, then seek professional and/or emergency services immediately.

These skills work best when you are ready to heal. It is OK if you are not quite ready. Please be gentle and patient with yourself. You will heal when you are ready. Sending you so much love, warmth, and compassion.

Kindly,

Stacy

© Stacy L. Pintor 2016. All Rights Reserved.

(No part of this blog may be reproduced without written permission from the author.)

 

WHAT IS CODEPENDENCY? – SIGNS OF CODEPENDENT BEHAVIORS

What is codependency? In simple terms, it is a dishonest relationship. Dishonesty in honoring your truth or needs within yourself and with another person, situation, or circumstance. Although other psychosocial factors and addictions can contribute to complicating the relationship, it ultimately sifts to dishonesty.

The dishonesty may lead to behaviors such as feeling an obligation to take care of other’s needs and feelings above your own or expecting the other to take care of your needs and feelings above all else. Simply an imbalance of giving and taking derived from a sense of lack, expecting external elements to fill the lack. Typically, as an ‘over-giver’ you abandon yourself in the relationship and as an ‘over-taker’ you dominate and may even manipulate to get what you want. Codependency is not just associated with interpersonal relationships, but can include your relationship with illicit substances, money, your job, your environment, etc.

What spectrum of codependency resonates with you? Possibly both, but one tends to over shadow the other. I will discuss the difference.

THE ‘OVER-GIVER’

If the ‘over-giver’ sounds familiar, then you are over dependent on others to feel needed, worthy, or loved. You become dependent on other people, situations, or circumstances to supply you with a sense of worth without learning to strengthen your worth from within. You tend to compromise your wellbeing for others. Eventually it catches up to you and you may begin to harbor feelings of anger and resentment, experience energetic depletion, or even become physically ill. These are cues you are out of balance. In pleasing and taking care of others it becomes more difficult for you to truly receive or may become confusing on identifying your actual needs.

The use of the term ‘over-giver’ is intentional because giving and caring is a form of love and does provide a sense of purpose and worth, but it depends on the energy fueling it. The question then becomes is the energy from a place of unconditional love and joy or from a place of lack, guilt (obligation), fear of abandonment, or unworthiness? Fear or lack energy will actually attract others or circumstances that manifest more fear and lack. Basically stating to the Universe that your needs and feelings don’t matter. Hence, you may attract dishonest, manipulative people or situations who expect you to take care of them or misuse your giving heart for their personal gain. A fear of abandonment tends to lead to these types of relationships and as a result you may abandon yourself during the process.

Signs you meet this type of codependency may include: feeling guilty for saying ‘no’ or ‘yes’ or feeling guilty for expressing your truth, feeling angry and resentment towards someone or a circumstance, or feeling depleted after interacting with another person or situation. It is quite beneficial to check in with your body and emotions. Your body is a superb alert system when there is an imbalance.

It is helpful to ask yourself a few of the following questions to strengthen your awareness. Is your body tense or relaxed when around certain people, situations, or environments? Do you have a heavy sinking feeling or dread when someone wants to spend time with you or a light, joyful feeling? Do you notice pains in your body such as in your shoulders, neck, or back, headaches, or even nausea when in the presence of someone? Do you feel depleted or at peace after spending time with someone or in a situation? Does something feel “off” and you can’t quite put your finger on it? Listen to this, it is a cue that dishonesty is present. Be honest with yourself, are you over-giving?

THE ‘OVER-TAKER’

If the ‘over-taker’ sounds familiar, then you are over dependent on other people or circumstances for your feelings and needs without much concern for their feelings or needs. Again, you haven’t learned how to be with your feelings, take care of your own needs, or you are avoiding shadow aspects within yourself. As a result, you expect other people/situations to be your supplier of happiness, security, or even distractions. You tend to dominate or manipulate in order to keep the supply. Often getting stuck in a place of lack and negativity so others will come to your rescue and continue to give. It is manipulation because you either use guilt or self-pity or minimally meet the other’s needs to get what you want. The manipulation is most likely an attempt to gain control due to an aspect of yourself that doesn’t feel powerful.

Once again, the term ‘over-taker’ is intentional because taking or receiving is also a form of love and absolutely a vital component in an healthy, balanced relationship based in unconditional love. However, when this energy is imbalanced it may lead to recklessly projecting needy, lower energy onto to others like a heavy burden expecting them to carry it and resolve it for you. Again the behavior of an ‘over-taker’ is based in a sense of lack rather than love and abundance. You are stating, “I don’t trust my self to give myself what I need”, so you seek it from external elements.

Ask yourself the following questions for these are signs you may meet this type of codependency. Do you dominate conversations and complain the majority of the time or is the conversation mostly about you? Do you actively listen to the other person or are you waiting for them to pause so you can speak again? Do you always want to be around someone because they make you feel happy, at ease, or at peace? On the flip side, do you feel addicted to them in a way because they make you feel angry, justifying a need to control and feel powerful? Do you give gifts in order to get your needs met or to keep the person around? These gifts can be any form from material, verbal, to emotional.

BREAKING THE PATTERN

On either side of the codependency spectrum you are giving your power away and falling into a victim mentality due to not fully loving and accepting yourself. Breaking the cycle or pattern requires deep honesty and unconditional love of self. Be curious about your behaviors and the motives behind them. It is not helpful to crucify yourself if you do find you have codependent behaviors. It’s actually a door to freedom providing awareness and the opportunity to liberate yourself from a mindset that has kept you bound and dishonest. By learning to deeply love all aspects of yourself (both light and shadow), you completely stop the codependency cycle because you no longer need or expect others to fill the gaps you perceive are present. Loving your shadow aspects doesn’t mean to act upon them, it is a just way to reduce its power over you.

When someone wants to spend time with you or asks something of you, simply pause, and ask yourself: “does this bring me joy?”. If not, be honest and say ‘no’ or ‘yes’, setting firm boundaries. When you spend time with someone or in certain situations, ask yourself: “are my behaviors rooted in honesty and love?” or “am I seeking the ‘other’ to take care of me or avoiding a shadow aspect within myself?”.

Lovingly be honest with yourself and take measures to do the internal work in order to bring the fears and shadows to the light in need of healing. If you are stuck in negativity, then it may be helpful to ask yourself: “what have I learned from this situation or relationship?”. You can also ask yourself: “what can I do to bring me joy?”. In addition to these questions, often when we are attached to negativity there is likely an aspect of ourselves we need to forgive. For example, if you tend to chronically complain about how you were treated in a situation, then perhaps you need to forgive yourself for not standing up for yourself. Use the past as a teaching tool NOT a tool for regret. Regret keeps you stuck in a cycle of suffering which hinders your ability to move forward.

In both situations, it may be beneficial to seek guidance from trusting and honest friends or from a professional to help you become aware and heal the codependency behavior, but remain vigilant to not become over dependent upon them. If you are seeking validation, love, security, acceptance, respect, or support, then learn how to illuminate and to strengthen these aspects within yourself. Others can be an example, but ultimately they can’t provide it for you. It is all within you, it is a matter of remembering it is already there.

A spiritually mature soul learns to unconditionally love and take care of self so they may offer honesty and love to others. Remembering if you desire honest relationships or circumstances, then the honesty absolutely must begin with you. This self-empowerment sends the Universe a clear message of what you desire to attract. With unconditional love of self, you will energetically invite other people and circumstances that emulate the same deep love and honesty.

Note if you are currently in a codependent relationship or situation, the “other” may not be ready or even understand your boundary or your honesty. Codependent relationships can be healed, but it takes two partners who are actively willing to heal their own codependent behaviors. If the relationship is not quite ready to be healed, then it may require you to let go certain aspects of the relationship or completely let go of the relationship all the while honoring your integrity and authenticity. The key is to let go with unconditional love. In doing so, you are offering compassion which mirrors the compassion you have for the shadow aspect within yourself. Then have gratitude for the relationship for giving you an opportunity to affirm your empowerment and self-love.

MY EXPERIENCE USING THE COPING SKILL

I have definitely attracted numerous relationships and situations in my life where my role was the ‘over-giver’ birthed from a low sense of worth. I’ve come to know the difference in the feeling when I give from unconditional love or from guilt. From guilt, it shows up as either a heavy sinking feeling in my abdomen, a feeling of dread or resentment, feeling depleted, or sharp pains in my left shoulder.

I’ve affirmed to completely resolve giving from guilt by being fully honest in all of my relationships. I have taken my power back. If it doesn’t feel right in my heart and body, then I say an honest ‘no’ and drop the guilt.

An honest ‘no’ or ‘yes’ for me is to not make up excuses in attempt to protect or take care of the other’s feelings. Examples of setting boundaries and standing in my power may include: “no thank you, I plan to take care of myself in another way”; “thank you for the offer, but I don’t need your healing session”; “I’ll listen to you vent for half of our lunch, then let’s talk about something else”; “that sounds frustrating, what did you learn from it or what’s your plan to find your joy again?”; “I’m wondering if you heard me”; or “I feel like you are not actively listening to me so it makes me feel like I’m unimportant to you”. However, sometimes a simple “no thank you” or allowing yourself space in between interactions (being less available) may be enough in honoring your truth.

I now say ‘Yes’ to honest and authentic receiving and giving in order to provide balance within myself. Not ‘yes’ because I’m afraid of hurting their feelings, trying to take care of their needs or feelings above my own, or afraid of losing someone in my life even if their presence is not serving my highest good. If I regress into old behaviors, then I lovingly forgive myself and realign with my true, authentic self.

For me the question: “does this bring me joy?”, is quite effective. This one question is an act of validating my worth. Basically declaring my needs and feelings are just as important as everyone else’s. Reminding myself, if they can’t accept my honesty, then perhaps the relationship is not able to resonate on an interdependent frequency. Therefore, a need to let it go or let aspects of it go giving the Universe a clear message I desire honest relationships rooted in unconditional love and mutual reciprocity. As I unconditionally love myself, I invite the same into my life and unconditionally love others with ease.

Thank you Spirit for providing an opportunity for healing.

If so inclined, please support my work through Patreon:

https://www.patreon.com/divinehealingmastery

The purpose of this blog is to share with you how I integrate my professional mental health experience, personal experience, and spiritual awareness in the form of coping skills. By sharing my experience, it is my hope it will provide a practical example how to interrupt and eventually resolve the cyclic energy of suffering and to elevate your energy! Please visit my Facebook page: Divine Healing: Poetry and Coping Skills (https://www.facebook.com/DivineHealing.Poetry.Coping) or my website: http://divinehealingmastery.com to learn more about me and to read my poetry.

PLEASE BE ADVISED

The coping skills provided in this blog are meant as a tool to aid in healing and not for psychotherapy or social work practice requiring a contractual, professional relationship. If you need consistent therapeutic care and/or crisis intervention due to being at risk of harming yourself or others, then seek professional and/or emergency services immediately.

These skills work best when you are ready to heal. It is OK if you are not quite ready. Please be gentle and patient with yourself. You will heal when you are ready. Sending you so much love, warmth, and compassion.

Kindly,

Stacy

© Stacy L. Pintor 2016. All Rights Reserved. (No part of this blog may be reproduced without written permission from the author.)

THE WOES OF PERFECTION

“I want everything to be perfect!” you’ve probably heard that before and even by your own lips at one time. But have we ever asked why does it have to be so perfect? What does it mean when things are perfect? Perhaps we think we are more lovable or more worthy of love when things are perfect.

A lot of us have been conditioned by society and/or within our upbringing to believe perfection brings happiness and security. Sure perfection may bring rewards and challenge you to do your best, but when the attachment is unbalanced it can also bring a sense of woe derailing you from the present moment. The world’s idea of perfection is actually unattainable because it comes from a sense of lack rather than unconditional love.

Often times, this attachment to a perfectionist paradigm does originate during upbringing. You may have been rewarded for being “perfect” or doing things right, at which with a young developing mind you may have equated this behavioral exchange as a way to being loved even more. This belief then most likely took root in your mind and manifested in various ways as an adult such as: wanting your environment perfect, your relationships perfect, your performance perfect, and/or your material possessions perfect.

What happens when things aren’t perfect, don’t go your way, or you don’t do something “right”? If there is an imbalance of the perfection attachment, then you may notice you become devastated and not just a little disappointment, but derailed followed by anger, worry, anxiety, and even depression. You may notice a flood of self-defeating thoughts such as: “nothing goes my way”; “why don’t good things happen for me?”; or “I’m no good”.

So what gives? We were taught perfection brings rewards and more love. The more I’ve investigated my own attachment to perfection, I found it gave me a sense of control over my environment and made me feel safe and loved. A way to ease fear of the unknown. However, in reality when it was unbalanced and I forgot I’m innately and Divinely perfect, it caused more anxiety, frustration, worry, and burden all rooted in fear. So my attempts to resolve fear with perfection was actually causing more. I realized with this imbalance I was approaching life from a sense of lack rather than abundance and love.

A balanced perspective of perfection is realizing you may not be perfect in the ways of worldly matters, but are already Divinely perfect. From this realization you may notice your grip to the attachment of perfection may loosen as your perspective shifts. With this perspective you can enjoy nice things and surroundings, continue to work towards your true potential, but not be devastated with setbacks, mistakes, or problems.

A way to balance this perspective is to heal the inner child from where the imbalance to perfection may have first rooted. An effective tool for healing the inner child is to utilize mental imagery and meditation.

In a quiet space with no distractions, center yourself with several diaphragmatic breaths. Breathing in, say in your mind: “I am” and breathing out, say: “safe”. Breathing into your heart as if you are expanding and massaging it with love. Once you feel you are anchored in calm, even breaths, picture yourself as a child and perhaps the age you first remember being punished for not doing something right or for not being “perfect”. Bring him or her towards you gently and comfort him/her with whatever type of loving gesture resonates most with you. For me, I imagine bringing her into my arms and setting her in my lap.

Speaking from your heart, smile at your inner child and tell him or her: it’s ok he/she made a mistake, didn’t do something right, or isn’t “perfect”. Remind him/her that you love him/her unconditionally no matter what he/she does or doesn’t do and he/she doesn’t need to be “perfect” in order to feel safe or even to be loved. Listen to him or her lovingly if he/she has anything to say and comfort him/her as needed. Imagine warm, golden and white light surrounding and embracing him/her and then release him/her, set him/her free.

Gently bring yourself back to your adult body and your surroundings, again breathing into your heart, and feeling your anchor in the present moment. Once again breathe in: “I am” and breathe out: “safe” and on the last breath, breathe in: “I am” and breathe out: “love”. Gently open your eyes. Please note, you may adjust the mental imagery and meditation to whatever resonates with you most.

Upon healing this imbalance, you may notice you approach life and problems from a space of calm, ease, and clarity rather than from a space of anxiety, rigidity, and confusion. You will be able to respond to setbacks or mistakes rather than react to them with haste and sense of burden. This a practice of compassion for yourself, knowing you are unconditionally loved by the most important person, your Higher Self.

MY EXPERIENCE USING THE COPING SKILL

We recently had a hail storm and I found a dent on the hood of my fairly new car. Immediately, I felt a familiar weight of frustration wanting to sabotage the moment or even the whole day. I began worrying about fixing the dent and feeling angry that another thing has been added to my do list and would cost money. I tried to distract myself from these unsettling feelings, but my eyes kept coming back to the dent.

I thought “what the hell? why is this little dent causing me so much distress?” As usual and with gratitude, these difficult feelings and thoughts were providing an opportunity for healing an imbalance. I took some time to go beyond my disgust over the dent and asked myself “what is this attachment to perfection?” I realized my attachment to perfection was rooted in childhood, where I mistakenly equated being loved more for doing things right and “perfect”.

I meditated as described above to heal my inner child. Upon returning to my adult body and to the present moment, I sensed a sigh of relief. A new profound love elevated for myself based in unconditional love. I liberated the bondage of my attachment to perfection and remembered I am already Divinely perfect. I acknowledged it is ok to enjoy nice things and work towards my true potential, but with the knowing I am unconditionally loved even when my surroundings aren’t “perfect” or I’m not “perfect” (according to worldy standards).

I am always fascinated when doing this shadow work how simple external circumstances have deeper attachments that need to be healed. Again a testimony, to the interconnectedness between external and internal realities.

With a clearer mind and relaxed body, my sense of urgency to fix the car lessened, knowing it will get fixed when the time and funds are right. At this time, I have other priorities to solve before the dent. What a relief to let go of this self-made burden!!

Thank you Spirit for providing an opportunity for healing.

If so inclined, please support my work through Patreon:

https://www.patreon.com/divinehealingmastery

The purpose of this blog is to share with you how I integrate my professional mental health experience, personal experience, and spiritual awareness in the form of coping skills. By sharing my experience, it is my hope it will provide a practical example how to interrupt and eventually resolve the cyclic energy of suffering and to elevate your energy! Please visit my Facebook page: Divine Healing: Poetry and Coping Skills (https://www.facebook.com/DivineHealing.Poetry.Coping) or my website: http://divinehealingmastery.com to learn more about me and to read my poetry.

 PLEASE BE ADVISED

The coping skills provided in this blog are meant as a tool to aid in healing and not for psychotherapy or social work practice requiring a contractual, professional relationship. If you need consistent therapeutic care and/or crisis intervention due to being at risk of harming yourself or others, then seek professional and/or emergency services immediately.

These skills work best when you are ready to heal. It is OK if you are not quite ready. Please be gentle and patient with yourself. You will heal when you are ready. Sending you so much love, warmth, and compassion.

Kindly,

Stacy

© Stacy L. Pintor 2016. All Rights Reserved.

(No part of this blog may be reproduced without written permission from the author.)

RELEASE DIFFICULT FEELINGS BY CUTTING THE CORDS

Difficult feelings such as anger, resentment, guilt, or shame can be challenging to experience and to manage. In fact, we often try our best to rid of the feelings by either avoiding, suppressing, or projecting them. They can feel daunting and relentless especially when we find we are stuck in the feelings due to attachment of distorted, self-defeating thoughts. This energy keeps us cycling in confusion and suffering. We may then project the feelings on to others behaving in ways we regret.

However, with a change of perspective rather than condemning and hating these types of feelings it is possible to respect, even welcome, their presence. They are actually cuing an imbalance of your external and internal wellbeing. These feelings are providing an opportunity for healing unresolved past experiences and a lesson for further growth towards your highest potential.

How do you release the attachment to difficult feelings? An effective way is to cut the negative cords or attachments between you, another person, place, or even situation. Cutting cords is not an act out of spite, but rather out of love. It clears the energy and brings balance to your energetic presence.

Others’ negative attachments are for them to heal and to resolve. If the cord stays attached to you, then you are blocking an opportunity for their healing. Staying attached may promote co-dependency of relying on external people or situations for feeling “good” and/or blaming external people or situations for feeling “bad”. This holds true for any negative cords you have attached to yourself due to your own distorted, self-defeating thoughts. You can become co-dependent on your thoughts or a way of feeling.

The following are three steps to cutting negative cords. It is most beneficial to apply this skill when you have the space, patience, and willingness to explore the experience with curiosity and compassion.

1) TAKE RESPONSIBILITY

As previously stated, accept the presence of these difficult feelings as a cue you are out of balance. If an external circumstance triggered these feelings, then ask yourself, “when have I felt this before”? Take inventory of your past and see if you’ve acted similar towards either someone else or even towards yourself. Most likely any anger or resentment you have for another’s behavior is a reflection of an internal distorted, self-defeating thought or belief.

For example, if you find yourself getting irritated with a “know it all” or someone acting superior there may be an aspect of yourself you believe is a “know it all” or has the potential to be a “know it all” that you have not fully accepted, but actually rejected. Your rejection of an aspect of yourself creates anger and resentment even guilt and shame towards yourself and others. This rejection cultivates self-defeating thoughts leading to negative and harsh self-talk. This cycle can actually manifest adverse external circumstances and negative feedback loops. Acceptance is about loving every part of you. It also brings awareness which then offers a choice to either act on or not act on that aspect of yourself. If you choose to act it out, then awareness also offers a choice of how from a place of love or lack.

Another element in taking responsibility is to explore during the exchange if you felt disempowered. The presence of anger, resentment, even guilt may also be the result of not having your needs met and/or giving your power away. Consult your mind for any thoughts of disempowerment (i.e. “I feel restricted”; “I don’t matter anyways”; “I feel small so I must be small”; or “I’m stupid”). From this space of acknowledgement the difficult feelings can be transformed into empowerment by setting boundaries or voicing your needs which will be explained further below. Use your voice from a place of worthiness and love. Understand neither of you are higher or lower than the other, but perceiving an experience differently.

Taking responsibility for your part doesn’t excuse others’ poor behavior, but promotes compassion as they are a reflection of us and what needs to be healed within us. Rather than feeling victimized, you regain your power. This awareness interrupts a negative feedback loop due to a change in perspective allowing a positive shift in the energy between you. Awareness offers an opportunity for forgiveness especially of yourself and an opportunity for reflecting back clarity and love creating a positive feedback loop.

2) FORGIVE AND MEDITATE WITH IMAGERY

Prior to forgiving and cutting the cords, it is helpful to have an understanding for the negative behavior. Most likely it was rooted in fear or hurt. For example, you may find empathetic thoughts such as: “I or they reacted with anger out of fear”; “I made you feel small because I’m afraid or because I feel small”; or “I shut you out because I was hurt”. Upon this awareness you are already offering compassion.

Forgiveness typically starts with you. Upon understanding the adverse behavior as a reflection of yourself and/or of disempowerment, comfort yourself like comforting a child, loved one, or pet who is scared or hurt. Offer unconditional love in the form of loving feelings, sensations, visual mental imagery, or all of the above. Saying to yourself, “I understand why you reacted the way you did because you were afraid or hurt OR I understand why you gave your power away, I forgive you, I love you”.

The key to cutting negative cords is to do so with unconditional love. It is helpful to utilize visual mental or mind’s eye imagery and symbolism to imagine the cutting of negative cords. I call upon Archangel Michael and imagine his blue sword of light severing the cords above, below, side, front, and back of me that were attached to a person or circumstance. I see the cords release and fade away as I offer love and positive intentions for their transcendence. I imagine the cords are not dissolving below or above me, but on equal level remembering love has no hierarchy. I see a bright light like a star in my core and the same with the other person or situation. As our lights become brighter and radiate rays of luminous, white light the space between is filled with absolute unconditional love.

You may utilize whatever mental imagery resonates with you most. This skill will not be effective if you try to release the cords with anger, resentment, or guilt.

3) SET BOUNDARIES

From this place of clarity and love, take your power back and set appropriate boundaries to protect yourself from potential negative cords in the future. This again is an act of love by taking care of yourself which in turn takes care of others. Boundaries can take many forms and will be unique to the circumstance.

Boundaries can be internal like a shift in perspective or feeling empowered (i.e. “I don’t like feeling restricted so I will invite others who encourage my expansiveness and let go of those who don’t” or “I matter and do not deserve this treatment”). Another type of internal boundary may be a vow that you will replenish yourself and open yourself to receiving if you have a tendency to be an over-giver. Boundaries can be external such as letting go or creating space between you and others or situations due to toxicity or negativity. Expressing your needs is also a way to set an internal or external boundary (i.e. “I need to speak my truth”; “I need space alone”; “I need time to focus on my passion”; or “It is not OK for you to speak to me in that way”, etc.).

If you feel guilty for setting boundaries, please realize others can take care of themselves when you say “no” just as you are taking care of yourself. You are actually robbing them of the opportunity to do so. In fact, by not setting boundaries you teach them to be co-dependent upon you which is not serving either one of you. This applies to setting boundaries with able body and mentally stable people. Although, as a caregiver it is still vital to set boundaries that support your wellbeing so that you are able to care for your loved one to the best of your ability (i.e. giving yourself time for respite, hobbies, passions, etc.).

It is essential to set boundaries again with unconditional love and worthiness and not hate or unworthiness. The energy of the boundary matters. Set with hate or unworthiness you may notice others will continue to cross or even destroy your boundaries. Set with love they will learn to respect and honor your boundaries or just let you go. Please note if you are setting boundaries within a co-dependent relationship there is a potential the other party may cling tighter or lash out for a period of time as they are adjusting to the shift in energy. Also, if you are currently in an unsafe environment, your physical and emotional wellbeing are always first prior to implementing this entire skill. It is recommended you take necessary measures to ensure your safety by seeking safety with people or services you trust.

Cutting cords is also beneficial to use any time you’ve been surrounded by any type of negativity whether it’s your own or others (i.e. envy, jealousy, hate, etc.). I actually use it to cut cords of my own self-defeating thoughts or when I noticed I felt depleted after interacting with others or from a situation or a place. When someone comes to me for guidance, I typically cleanse myself with this skill after our interaction to release any attachments either one of us has made so we know we are working with our own energy and not confused by the other’s energy.

You may find as you practice this skill, you can have gratitude for the person or circumstance that brought you the lesson. They have provided you an opportunity to grow deeper into your truth and to align with your Higher Self and to the Divine.

MY EXPERIENCE USING THE COPING SKILL

I sought guidance from a spiritual teacher. I immediately was feeling irritated and angry in her presence. I noticed a power struggle forming between us. She was direct and offering teachings that I’ve already learned. I felt she was “condescending” and I felt belittled. I was aware that I wasn’t receiving her teachings well because “I already knew it”.

After our session, I explored the feelings deeper. I realized her “condescending” approach is something I often worry about when I offer others guidance. I would “hate” to think I was condescending in any way. I worry if others perceive me as a “know it all” or teaching from a superior place. I realized my irritation towards her was a potential aspect of myself I would “hate”.

I found the experience was also a beautiful teaching tool to take my power back and to set boundaries. I realized when someone acts superior, sometimes I submit by giving my power away so they feel good in the moment. I listened to her with anger and resentment and left feeling empty rather than standing in my worth and using my voice. I could have voiced to her I understand what she was teaching, but I wanted to know more about something else or voiced that her approach felt harsh. I realized in that moment, I am also a spiritual teacher and to stop pretending like I am not and to not be afraid of shining my light. Upon this internal dialogue, I established a boundary of empowerment and a vow to stand in worthiness.

I forgave myself for regressing into an old childhood pattern of letting others dominate me to where I feel like I don’t have a voice. I also forgave myself for “hating” a potential aspect of myself of superiority. I don’t have to act it out, but just love every part of me or I can choose how I act it out from a place of love rather than lack.

I then called upon Archangel Michael to help me cut any remaining negative cords. With the aid of Archangel Michael’s sword of light the cords were severed between us and I saw the attachment dissolve into unconditional love. As the light within us both radiated brighter and brighter, the space between was filled with warm, luminous white light. It was done. I knew I had released her from my energy so that she and I both may be free.

 Thank you Spirit for providing an opportunity for healing.

If so inclined, please support my work through Patreon:

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The purpose of this blog is to share with you how I integrate my professional mental health experience, personal experience, and spiritual awareness in the form of coping skills. By sharing my experience, it is my hope it will provide a practical example how to interrupt and eventually resolve the cyclic energy of suffering and to elevate your energy! Please visit my Facebook page: Divine Healing: Poetry and Coping Skills (https://www.facebook.com/DivineHealing.Poetry.Coping) or my website: http://divinehealingmastery.com to learn more about me and to read my poetry.

 PLEASE BE ADVISED

The coping skills provided in this blog are meant as a tool to aid in healing and not for psychotherapy or social work practice requiring a contractual, professional relationship. If you need consistent therapeutic care and/or crisis intervention due to being at risk of harming yourself or others, then seek professional and/or emergency services immediately.

These skills work best when you are ready to heal. It is OK if you are not quite ready. Please be gentle and patient with yourself. You will heal when you are ready. Sending you so much love, warmth, and compassion.

Kindly,

Stacy

© Stacy L. Pintor 2016. All Rights Reserved.

(No part of this blog may be reproduced without written permission from the author.)