Although anger generally has a bad reputation, it is an effective and valuable signal of an imbalance in our well-being or environment. When anger is balanced it can be transformed into peaceful empowerment, action, or even no action. It can motivate us to get out of a threatening situation. When viewed from these perspectives, there may be less tendency to attach or hook into the anger energy that leads to the bad reputation.
Anger has a bad reputation because when consumed by the energy we often desire to hastily rid of it in any way possible, which can negatively impact not only ourselves, but others and situations in the process. There are numerous ways we irresponsibly dispel the energy which may include: 1) projecting it outward in the form of verbal and/or physical outbursts or blaming others or 2) using passive aggressive behaviors such as withdrawing (silent treatment), making underhanded comments (“under your breath” comments), or gossiping. All of which carries an excessively dense energy that travels with you like a thick, smoldering dark fog. The dense fog may then create anxiety and depressive symptoms and/or negatively affect relationships (personal, professional, etc).
Anger needs our attention and understanding, but not thoughts and behaviors that perpetuate the denser energy cycle. Anger typically arises from feeling threatened in some way either emotionally, physically, or environmentally. For anger to be effectively dispelled from our energetic field it requires compassion and understanding for its presence. A simple, but loving curiosity for the reason it’s alarming of a potential internal or external imbalance so we may heal and resolve it. The following two steps are effective ways to dispel anger when it becomes a cyclic dense energy.
STEP 1: GENTLY ask yourself “why am I feeling so angry”. The more compassion and understanding you offer yourself, the clearer your mind. It also helps to ground the energy so clarity may arise. This gentle curiosity can be obtained by detaching from the feeling of anger as if you are an observer of your experience, you are merely curious about the presence of anger, and you are perceiving it from an unbiased, nonjudgmental view.
If you begin to harshly judge yourself or begin to justify your anger prior to this question, then it will fuel the anger cycle granting it extra power over you. If you find the anger is a bit too consuming to fairly ask yourself this question, then it would be beneficial to further ground the energy by implementing your preferred grounding practice such as deep belly or diaphragmatic breathing, tuning into your senses, meditation (breath, loving-kindness, intention, visualization/imagery, etc.), or prayer.
As you practice a genuine interest in your interior world, you may observe the unfolding of a trail of thoughts prior to discovering a root thought. The root thought may surprise you because you may find the thought is actually a core belief rooted from the past possibly from childhood or adolescence. For example, the process may unfold as follows:
- “I can’t believe they just cut me off!” (notice personalizing the situation as if they intentionally cut you off to specifically upset you).
- Grounding your energy and gently asking yourself, “why am I feeling so angry”.
- The answer may include: “they’re so disrespectful”; “they could of caused an accident”.
- Further exploring the thought, “they’re so disrespectful”, by being curious if there is an “I” statement attached to the thought. An “I” statement corresponding to this example may include: “I feel disrespected”.
- Compassionately asking yourself, “what does it mean to be disrespected or what does it say about me when I’m disrespected”.
- The answer may include: “I’m not worth it”; “I’m hidden”; “I’m invisible”; or “I don’t matter”. These type of thoughts are deeper, core beliefs.
Notice in the above example, the trail of thoughts can quickly identify a deeper, core issue. As the above example demonstrated, it is helpful in order to identify these type of core beliefs to ask questions such as “what does it say about me when…” or “what does it mean to be…”, so you begin to identify “I” statements rather than projection statements (i.e. “he”, “she”, “they” statements). The “I” statements are driving your reaction or response to the situation. “I” statements are a powerful way of regaining ownership and responsibility thus your power of a situation and circumstance that feels out of your control.
Once these thoughts are identified, ask yourself with compassion, “where in my life have I felt this before”. You may find a core area of your life in need of attention and healing and the current event was only a trigger for you to explore and heal an unresolved wound.
Often the mere act of being compassionate and understanding of yourself and identifying or illuminating core beliefs offers enough light and higher vibrational energy to transmute and resolve the denser energy. However, if you still feel attached to the anger energy, then you may need to further explore for deeper processing. Please read my previous blog, The Art of Disentangling Your Mind, for an effective tool to challenge the validity of limiting core thoughts/beliefs and to identify more benevolent thoughts/beliefs.
STEP 2: After offering yourself compassion and understanding for the reason of anger, then replay the events from a different perspective. This perspective is grounded in peace, love, and clarity. This step requires you to first imagine yourself embraced and filled with love, peace, and clarity. You may need to incorporate a form of meditation, visualization, diaphragmatic breathing, grounding, and/or prayer to elevate your energy to this level. It is most effective when practicing this skill to really FEEL the new energy vibrating within you while imagining the re-experience of all events as if it is occurring in real time.
You may notice several changes when practicing this skill that will be unique to you. I will offer a few changes that may arise from your heart. From this higher vibrational energy you may find the following: still setting appropriate boundaries without projecting harsh, denser energy; offering the other person/people or circumstance compassion and an intention or prayer for their safety and peace; or just letting go of the situation with an intention of peace. Energy doesn’t know time or space so you can replay an event with new energy and have a profound impact on your state of well-being and possibly the other person/people or circumstances involved in the event.
MY EXPERIENCE USING THE COPING SKILL
The morning began with a little irritation because my daughter was running late for school after requesting the night before she wanted to get there early to finish homework. We left the house to where she would get to school 10 minutes early as opposed to 25 minutes early.
As we were driving to school, still in our neighborhood, a car was tailgating me. I remained persistent in maintaining the speed limit. The tailgating car turned on a parallel alley driving at a high speed in close proximity to homes in order pass me, but failed because they had to stop for me at a stop sign. I asked my daughter to get their license plate number so I could report them for reckless driving. I proceeded to give the driver a foul, angry look and I noticed they were teenagers. I thought “figures…teenagers…”.
As we entered the school drop-off carline, a security person directing traffic was trying to keep the carline moving and motioned me to continue driving towards the main entrance even though I was approaching a side door that was closer to my daughter’s classroom. I decided to disobey his direction and pulled over so she may enter the nearest door. The security person was clearly frustrated with me and we exchanged mutually irritated looks.
After those three events which began to derail my day, I immediately felt terrible and heavy as I was flooded with pulsating dense anger energy. I noticed I wanted to harshly judge myself for being angry and for my reactions following the anger. However, I interrupted the judgment with compassion and reminded myself the presence of anger was only a signal of an imbalance.
During my morning run, I processed the previous events. For me one of the best times to “get out of my head” and for processing spiraling thoughts and emotions is while I run, specifically running outdoors. It is instantly grounding and helps to clear my mind enough to where I can view my experience with objectivity and altitude. I asked myself, “why did those events make me so angry”. I explored the question with gentle curiosity and not harsh interrogation.
I realized in all instances I felt “pushed around”. I further explored and asked myself, “where else in my life do I feel pushed around”. Upon this question, I identified a core limiting belief and felt immediate relief for illuminating this shadow aspect within me. I decided to replay all the events from a different perspective. Still running (moving meditation for me), I imagined how I would respond to each event from a space of peace and clarity.
I imagined while FEELING this peaceful perspective, I let go of control of my daughter running late knowing she was already feeling the consequences and hoped with a silent prayer/intention that she would have enough time to complete her work. I imagined I still maintained my speed while obeying the speed limit and possibly would still want to report the reckless driving, but without exchanging a foul, angry look. I also prayed they learn a lesson of reckless driving in the future, but without harm to anyone. I imagined I still “disobeyed” the security person during the carline because I wanted to get my daughter to the nearest door, but rather than becoming defensive for my actions I committed to my actions with a new perspective. I knew I was disobeying (without harm to another) his direction, but respected his efforts for keeping the carline moving efficiently. Rather than exchanging an irritated look, I offered a smile and a “thank you” wave.
Upon completion of this imagery and meditation, I felt the anger energy dissipate and lift from my energetic body. I trusted this new vibrational frequency traveled to all who were affected by my previous denser energy and were lifted in some way as well.
Thank you Spirit for providing an opportunity for healing.
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The purpose of this blog is to share with you how I integrate my professional mental health experience, personal experience, and spiritual awareness in the form of coping skills. By sharing my experience, it is my hope it will provide a practical example how to interrupt and eventually resolve the cyclic energy of suffering and to elevate your energy! Please visit my Facebook page: Divine Healing: Poetry and Coping Skills (https://www.facebook.com/DivineHealing.Poetry.Coping) or my website: http://divinehealingmastery.com to learn more about me and to read my poetry.
PLEASE BE ADVISED
The coping skills provided in this blog are meant as a tool to aid in healing and not for psychotherapy or social work practice requiring a contractual, professional relationship. If you need consistent therapeutic care and/or crisis intervention due to being at risk of harming yourself or others, then seek professional and/or emergency services immediately.
These skills work best when you are ready to heal. It is OK if you are not quite ready. Please be gentle and patient with yourself. You will heal when you are ready. Sending you so much love, warmth, and compassion.
© Stacy L. Pintor 2017. All Rights Reserved. (No part of this blog may be reproduced without written permission from the author.)