“I want everything to be perfect!” you’ve probably heard that before and even by your own lips at one time. But have we ever asked why does it have to be so perfect? What does it mean when things are perfect? Perhaps we think we are more lovable or more worthy of love when things are perfect.
A lot of us have been conditioned by society and/or within our upbringing to believe perfection brings happiness and security. Sure perfection may bring rewards and challenge you to do your best, but when the attachment is unbalanced it can also bring a sense of woe derailing you from the present moment. The world’s idea of perfection is actually unattainable because it comes from a sense of lack rather than unconditional love.
Often times, this attachment to a perfectionist paradigm does originate during upbringing. You may have been rewarded for being “perfect” or doing things right, at which with a young developing mind you may have equated this behavioral exchange as a way to being loved even more. This belief then most likely took root in your mind and manifested in various ways as an adult such as: wanting your environment perfect, your relationships perfect, your performance perfect, and/or your material possessions perfect.
What happens when things aren’t perfect, don’t go your way, or you don’t do something “right”? If there is an imbalance of the perfection attachment, then you may notice you become devastated and not just a little disappointment, but derailed followed by anger, worry, anxiety, and even depression. You may notice a flood of self-defeating thoughts such as: “nothing goes my way”; “why don’t good things happen for me?”; or “I’m no good”.
So what gives? We were taught perfection brings rewards and more love. The more I’ve investigated my own attachment to perfection, I found it gave me a sense of control over my environment and made me feel safe and loved. A way to ease fear of the unknown. However, in reality when it was unbalanced and I forgot I’m innately and Divinely perfect, it caused more anxiety, frustration, worry, and burden all rooted in fear. So my attempts to resolve fear with perfection was actually causing more. I realized with this imbalance I was approaching life from a sense of lack rather than abundance and love.
A balanced perspective of perfection is realizing you may not be perfect in the ways of worldly matters, but are already Divinely perfect. From this realization you may notice your grip to the attachment of perfection may loosen as your perspective shifts. With this perspective you can enjoy nice things and surroundings, continue to work towards your true potential, but not be devastated with setbacks, mistakes, or problems.
A way to balance this perspective is to heal the inner child from where the imbalance to perfection may have first rooted. An effective tool for healing the inner child is to utilize mental imagery and meditation.
In a quiet space with no distractions, center yourself with several diaphragmatic breaths. Breathing in, say in your mind: “I am” and breathing out, say: “safe”. Breathing into your heart as if you are expanding and massaging it with love. Once you feel you are anchored in calm, even breaths, picture yourself as a child and perhaps the age you first remember being punished for not doing something right or for not being “perfect”. Bring him or her towards you gently and comfort him/her with whatever type of loving gesture resonates most with you. For me, I imagine bringing her into my arms and setting her in my lap.
Speaking from your heart, smile at your inner child and tell him or her: it’s ok he/she made a mistake, didn’t do something right, or isn’t “perfect”. Remind him/her that you love him/her unconditionally no matter what he/she does or doesn’t do and he/she doesn’t need to be “perfect” in order to feel safe or even to be loved. Listen to him or her lovingly if he/she has anything to say and comfort him/her as needed. Imagine warm, golden and white light surrounding and embracing him/her and then release him/her, set him/her free.
Gently bring yourself back to your adult body and your surroundings, again breathing into your heart, and feeling your anchor in the present moment. Once again breathe in: “I am” and breathe out: “safe” and on the last breath, breathe in: “I am” and breathe out: “love”. Gently open your eyes. Please note, you may adjust the mental imagery and meditation to whatever resonates with you most.
Upon healing this imbalance, you may notice you approach life and problems from a space of calm, ease, and clarity rather than from a space of anxiety, rigidity, and confusion. You will be able to respond to setbacks or mistakes rather than react to them with haste and sense of burden. This a practice of compassion for yourself, knowing you are unconditionally loved by the most important person, your Higher Self.
MY EXPERIENCE USING THE COPING SKILL
We recently had a hail storm and I found a dent on the hood of my fairly new car. Immediately, I felt a familiar weight of frustration wanting to sabotage the moment or even the whole day. I began worrying about fixing the dent and feeling angry that another thing has been added to my do list and would cost money. I tried to distract myself from these unsettling feelings, but my eyes kept coming back to the dent.
I thought “what the hell? why is this little dent causing me so much distress?” As usual and with gratitude, these difficult feelings and thoughts were providing an opportunity for healing an imbalance. I took some time to go beyond my disgust over the dent and asked myself “what is this attachment to perfection?” I realized my attachment to perfection was rooted in childhood, where I mistakenly equated being loved more for doing things right and “perfect”.
I meditated as described above to heal my inner child. Upon returning to my adult body and to the present moment, I sensed a sigh of relief. A new profound love elevated for myself based in unconditional love. I liberated the bondage of my attachment to perfection and remembered I am already Divinely perfect. I acknowledged it is ok to enjoy nice things and work towards my true potential, but with the knowing I am unconditionally loved even when my surroundings aren’t “perfect” or I’m not “perfect” (according to worldy standards).
I am always fascinated when doing this shadow work how simple external circumstances have deeper attachments that need to be healed. Again a testimony, to the interconnectedness between external and internal realities.
With a clearer mind and relaxed body, my sense of urgency to fix the car lessened, knowing it will get fixed when the time and funds are right. At this time, I have other priorities to solve before the dent. What a relief to let go of this self-made burden!!
Thank you Spirit for providing an opportunity for healing.
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The purpose of this blog is to share with you how I integrate my professional mental health experience, personal experience, and spiritual awareness in the form of coping skills. By sharing my experience, it is my hope it will provide a practical example how to interrupt and eventually resolve the cyclic energy of suffering and to elevate your energy! Please visit my Facebook page: Divine Healing: Poetry and Coping Skills (https://www.facebook.com/DivineHealing.Poetry.Coping) or my website: http://divinehealingmastery.com to learn more about me and to read my poetry.
PLEASE BE ADVISED
The coping skills provided in this blog are meant as a tool to aid in healing and not for psychotherapy or social work practice requiring a contractual, professional relationship. If you need consistent therapeutic care and/or crisis intervention due to being at risk of harming yourself or others, then seek professional and/or emergency services immediately.
These skills work best when you are ready to heal. It is OK if you are not quite ready. Please be gentle and patient with yourself. You will heal when you are ready. Sending you so much love, warmth, and compassion.
© Stacy L. Pintor 2016. All Rights Reserved.
(No part of this blog may be reproduced without written permission from the author.)